This post is going to sound like a bit of a downer but it is the truth and it is a truth that people refuse to acknowledge – especially by people who are currently in a relationship.
Here is the hard truth: there is no guarantee that you will find yourself in a relationship. It is not a certainty that you will be married, settle down, and live happily ever after with someone.
Sorry to make you hear that but it is true.
I don’t believe in true love or ‘the one’. I believe in two people who find one another and try to make their lives work together. I do not, or at least anymore, have a fairy tale fantasy about finding someone. There is no such thing as destiny and no ‘Mr or Mrs. Right’ is not around the corner.
That person does not exist.
The person who will exist will be someone who will be willing to try so we can live our lives together – be it forever or for a short time.
Nicole Arbor, if you hate her or not, said in her ‘Why Dating Is Fu*ked!!!’ video about how messed up dating is she put it as: “hey, human do you want to human with me for a bit?” Dating is fucked up – it makes no sense when you really think about it.
That is exactly it, the person you are with is not perfect, I don’t want perfect it will make me feel inadequate all the time.
Dating is not a certainty and I wish people would get that idea into their heads.
Everytime I see people who I haven’t heard from in a while the question of ‘is there anyone special?’ or ‘are you seeing someone?’ always comes up.
Friends and family always do this and I wish that they would just stop as it is a conversation killer for a start as I feel awkward giving the ‘no, I’m not seeing anyone’ response that is then followed by the third degree of why or what steps I have been taking to get out of singlehood.
I just smile and nod and count the seconds till this part of the conversation is over as there is nothing worse than asking someone who is single if they are seeing someone.
Come on haven’t you watched or read Bridget Jones!
Those who know me, know that I am honest and blunt to the point it gets me into trouble. I hate small talk and will always want to get past the pleasantries and go to the personal as fast as possible. Especially with my close friends and family who know me best.
To friends and family reading this, just know that I would probably tell you if I was seeing someone even if it was only casual. That would be the first thing to come up in the ‘how are you?’ part of the conversation as it is probably the most abnormal, interesting thing to happen to me.
I know that the odds are that I will find someone in my life but that doesn’t have to be straight away. There is this expectation on you, especially when you are young, to date and there is a feeling that you have missed out on experiences if you don’t go out and date you have missed out on something important.
I know that being in a relationship is concidered a normal part of life. I know the odd looks I get when people find that I have never been in a relationship, or been kissed, or had sex. People look at you like they are about to catch ‘virginitus’ or like you are a freak.
(I am a bit of a freak but not for that reason.)
People treat romantic relationships so highly. Hell, look on your own group of friends. A wedding or a proposal is celebrated higher than graduating, landing your dream job or buying a house.
Independent people never get those things and we are often forgotten about as your wedding is your ‘big day’ and not when you have kicked ass to atchieve something. I know relatiosnhips take work but they are regarded higher than all others.
That is why I intend to have a ‘shit together’ party. When I have my life settled to the one that I want. I am living where I want, doing a job that I want and just geniunly happy, I will have a party to celebrate that and I will make as much fuss as people do with their weddings.
Because I may never get married, there is no guarantee, but what I can control is the rest of my life and that is something that should be celebrated.